The Akatsuki Christmas
by Nyehnyehnyehnyehnyeh
Summary: Rated T for swearing,A little late for the holidays, I know, criticism and flames accepted. The Akatsuki arrange decorations for christmas. What will happen when there's a lot of fighting going on? read on...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If I did own Naruto, Shikamaru would be dead from fighting Hidan, Kurenai would fight a bit better, and the Akatsuki would own a village, like Orochi-san**

An Akatsuki Christmas

Chapter 1

"Attention everyone, please come to the meeting room for a special announcement" the overhead speakers blared.

Itachi looked up from the book he was reading, glasses on his nose, coal-black eyes scanning the room. He got up and exited the room.

Kisame was snoring, and the speakers, which had since fallen on the ground by his bed, blared close to him, and he proceeded to cuss the poor inanimate object out while putting on his cloak.

Deidara and Sasori were arguing about art when the announcement was made. Deidara, attempting to show his danna the "true meaning of art", had made a bird out of clay with the intention of blowing it up, but the obscenely loud speakers made his chakra fluctuate, and he blew it up in his hands, much to Sasori's annoyance. They both left the room in a hurry to escape the wrath of the sprinklers overhead.

Zetsu was attempting to explain to Tobi how birds flew, both sides of him trying to correct the other while the patient Tobi just sat there listening to them bicker. He jumped when the speakers went off and rushed out of the room, Zetsu following slowly after.

Kakuzu had been counting money in his room when the announcement made him lose count. After a LONG chain of curses and insults, he got up to get Hidan.

Hidan, of course, had been praying to his god when Kakuzu made the mistake of bursting in. Hidan had cussed him out and chased him to the meeting room as fast as his legs could carry him.

When they all got to the meeting room, Pein came out, chewing on what seemed to be peppermint, Konan obviously chewing the same thing.

"Now, you all must be wondering why I have called you here. Well, I'll get to that, but first, everyone have a peppermint" Pein said.

After everyone had taken one and were contently chewing on the candies, Pein went on.

"Now, I understand this year I've been giving you an excess of missions, and you all need a break-" Pein was cut off.

"Damn right, we all need a break!" Hidan yelled, with everyone grunting or murmuring an agreement.

Pein made a disturbed face, which looked pretty intimidating with the numerous peircings on his face.

"Again, you _obviously _need a break, so, I'm declaring a two month long Christmas Break." Pein finished.

Tobi shouted with happiness, Deidara grinned and Hidan cussed numerous times in happiness, though any sane person would have thought he was angry.

"So, If anyone, I mean _anyone, _wants to help with the decorations, step forward, now" Pein said.

Tobi happily bounded up, dragging an unhappy Zetsu behind him. Hidan didn't celebrate Christmas, but he stepped up anyway, pulling Kakuzu up just to piss him off. Deidara was yelling to Sasori about "How FUN it'll be, un!" while forcefully dragging said puppet man up to the front. Itachi just went up so he could pester the others, and Kisame stepped up because he wanted to.

"Good, good. Now, for the supplies…" Pein announced.

"Hidan, you are in charge of getting the lights and setting them up, Kakuzu, you're in charge of budgeting the money and seeing how much of anything we need. Deidara and Sasori, you both get a tree, a LARGE tree, not like Charlie Brown, and ornaments. Itachi and Kisame, you will decorate the tree and the mailbox and such. Tobi and Zetsu will go to get extra supplies for Christmas things. " Pein said.

"Leader-sama, what will you be doing?" Tobi asked innocently.

"I will be in charge of mapping out where everything will go. Hurry up, Christmas is in two weeks!" Pein snapped.

Everyone disbanded to their jobs.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Fuck! These lights are screwed up!" Hidan yelled as he struggled to untangle the lights.

Kakuzu was doing calculations. He had allowed 500 dollars to be spent in this program, and most of it would go to the tree and possibly medical bills.

"HEY, DOLLFACE! A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!" Hidan insulted.

Kakuzu ignored him.

They finally got to putting them up outside on the gutters and such. Hidan, not bothering to wear a shirt, was freezing, and Kakuzu was bundled up everyday, so he was fine.

Hidan climbed up the wall with chakra and proceeded to put up the lights. He knocked down icicles and replaced them with blinking Christmas lights.

"Hey, Dollface, How much more crap can we spend?"

"About 450 dollars more, why?"

"Just because, You're so obsessed with that greenish crap, and you just will not let go of it, sheesh, it's all shitty paper, seriously! Why are we budgeting the shit?" Hidan said casually while hanging the lights.

The next thing he knew, he was ripped off the wall, and Kakuzu was stabbing him repeatedly with the icicles again….and again…. and again.

Pein was working with Konan what to put where and what to get the other members.

"I think the Christmas tree…" Konan pointed to the chart "should go here."

"No, we have the cocoa table there, lets put it here" Pein said, pointing to the area next to the fireplace.

"Hmmmm…." Konan pondered this, and then, she pointed her finger.

"THIS is where the tree will go" She finalized, pointing at the corner by the fireplace.

"…fine…" Pein relented, popping another peppermint in his mouth. He had since learned NOT to get Konan, or any other woman who cussed, pissed off.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Deidara and Sasori were rounding down to a few trees they liked.

"Deidara, how much were we allowed to spend on a tree?" Sasori asked.

"Ummmmm… I think it was 250 dollars? Or was it 140, hm?" Deidara asked himself

Sasori sighed "Pity, your tree is way past that budget…"

"Okay, danna…" Deidara said, taking a look at the remaining trees.

"…Deidara, why do we have a midget tree in our choices?" Sasori asked upon sighting the 3 foot tree.

"Hunh? Oh, that, I was thinking about that, yeah. Not sure myself…" Deidara said, not paying attention.

Sasori sighed again in annoyance and replaced the midget tree where it was.

" Daaaaaaannaaaaa, I found a tree that smells like oranges, yeah!" Deidara called.

"Deidara, I can't smell, so It doesn't matter" Sasori said.

"Hmmm… six foot tall, 250 dollars… Danna, let's buy this, yeah." Deidara said to Sasori.

"Fine, I just want to get out of here, before you end up freezing to death…" Sasori said, noticing that Deidara was in his usual fishnet shirt.

"Oh, don't worry, Sasori no Danna, My chest mouth keeps me warm…" Deidara said as he paid for the tree.

An odd look crossed Sasori's face as Deidara carried the tree to his black and red SUV.

Itachi and Kisame were decorating the mailbox and windows with fake frost to make it last, since they had a heater, and were also decorating the poles with tinsel.

"Itachi, do you think the others are alright?" Kisame asked.

"I believe so, why?" Itachi asked back, looking up.

"Because, I thought I heard a--- " Kiame was cut off by a loud scream of " YOU FUCKING PRICK!!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!!! GODDAMMIT!!!"

"…Kisame, watch it, you'll hit the—"Itachi watched helplessly as Kisame touched a live wire he had broken, and was electrocuted.

"…Kisame?" Itachi asked, poking him with a stick

A twitch was all he got from said fish.

"Kisame, wake up, we'd better get inside…" Itachi said, shaking his stiff partner.

No response.

"Oh, god, KAKUZU!!!! HELP!" Itachi yelled out, knowing Kakuzu would probably help…

…for a bit of his paycheck.

Meanwhile, Deidara and Sasori were shopping for ornaments at their favorite store, Arts R' Us.

"Deidara, do you think that this ornament will go with the walls?" Sasori asked.

Deidara looked, and said simply:

"I don't know, just don't get anything too dangerous, Tobi likes to steal, un."

They got twenty packs of those ornaments, and a few blanks to paint and explode.

Zetsu was currently trying to calm Tobi down from the sugar rush that the peppermints caused.

" AAAAAAAGHHHHH!!! ZETSU-SAAAANNNNN, THERE ARE PURPLE ANTS TRYING TO EAT MEEEEEEE!!!"

Zetsu was sure he would lose it.

So, he did the next best thing.

Knock him out.

Zetsu then proceeded to buy the evergreen solution and what not to help house the tree.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The decoration was done, with only two decapitations and one electrocution.

…and one minor case of frostbite…

"Alright everyone, you all did a good job on this. I understand it was probably harder than it needed to be…" Pein said, glancing at Hidan, who had double the stitches than usual and had a blue finger.

"Kisame will be unable to join us for the upcoming feast, due to being shocked with lights while startled by a howling cat" Pein continued.

Itachi's eye twitched.

"Tobi did nothing, due to being knocked out from a sugar rush…" Pein continued.

Zetsu shifted, his flytrap parts twitching in aggravation.

"Hidan will have to eat softer foods for a couple days…"

Hidan proceeded to cuss endlessly at Kakuzu, who was trying, and failing, to ignore the Jashinist.

"And the rest of you, Merry Christmas, you get to enjoy it." Pein finished.

Everyone jumped for joy, even Itachi, who wanted to get a break from swinging that katana.

.:end:.


End file.
